Inhibition gone with the green fairy
by evillives4evr
Summary: Joker tries to drink his blues away and lets his guard down whilst the Batman arrives to sort out his mess. The result is an awkward and much needed conversation. Done for the Batman kink meme, though it isn't very graphic, nude peeing clowns are included though so it's M for safety. Not the greatest story ever told but I wanted to read this prompt so bad that I wrote it.


Batman cautiously made his way into the bar, pushing past the fleeing customers and staff. He had got information regarding the whereabouts of Joker through Gordon, apparently Joker had been sighted in several bars and nightclubs in the past two hours. Based on the patterns of the establishments chosen by the clown Batman guessed that the next one he would visit would be here, Mikes bar, a trashy rundown dump in a back ally of uptown Gotham. Why the clown had been constantly moving local wasn't clear but as far as the information stated there were no fatalities or injuries. This probably meant that Joker either just wanted some attention or he was in a playful mood, unfortunately both meant that he was going to be both obnoxious and tricky. Pushing past the last of the gaudily dressed, middle aged women that stank of cheap perfume and cigarettes, Batman walked slowly into the bar expecting a performance or set up to welcome him.

Instead he saw his enemy sat at the bar, slouched over mumbling to himself.

"Joker?" Batman called. Joker tried to turn in his seat, his body swaying and threatening to lose all sense of balance. The madman squinted, trying to focus "Oh… ish you." Joker sullenly slurred "Whada you wan?...huh?"

Batman almost rolled his eyes when he realized that Joker was drunk and frowned when he thought of how much he would have had to drink in order to override his natural tolerance to chemicals.

"How much have you had clown?"

Joker said nothing, just scowled before turning back to the bar. Something wasn't quite right; Batman had never seen the Joker like this, and to be silent? Passing up on a quip? Something was certainly not right here. Batman walked up to the bar, wary that this could be all an act. Looking over Jokers shoulder he saw a large amount of empty bottles and shot glasses stacked and strewn about. The thought that the Joker was drinking this much in all the bars he's been in assured the dark knight that the clown was certainly not faking his current state. Batman frowned thinking of how much more bother this put on the night, he'd have to bring the clown to get his stomach pumped.

"Come on, I'm taking you to Arkham." Batman said gruffly, grabbing Joker's shoulder.

"No!... I don wanna!" Joker shouted jerking away from Batman.

"Look we can do this the easy way or the hard way"

"Leave me alone, just wanna drink, I've bin payin, I've bin payin."

Batman looked over and sure enough there were crumpled $100 bank notes shoved inside a gap in the till.

"That money is stolen" Batman growled.

"Yeah from Two Feesh," Joker replied "I'm putting it back into the *HIC*… eco…*HIC*… economy, now leave me be." Joker took long gulps from a bottle of absinthe he was cradling. There was a pause as the vigilante considered his options, joker hadn't done anything wrong but Batman still had a duty to take him in. He reasoned that if he let the Joker drink, kept an eye on him until he passed out then took him to Arkham everyone would be happy. He had no reason to let the clown have his way but batman considered letting him in order to make this a lot more hassle free, curiosity was tugging and to add to his list of excuses he told himself that this was a great opportunity to observe the clown and how his body and system reacted to alcohol.

"Absinthe, that's strong stuff." Batman said staring at the bottle.

Pulling up a chair and sitting beside the Joker, Batman rested his elbows on the sticky bar top turning to Joker who was eyeing him, his eyes glinting with some emotion Batman couldn't ascertain. Pulling a fifty out of his belt and stuffing it in the till along with Jokers bills, Batman spoke trying his best to be conversational "Do they do anything non alcoholic?" Jokers' eyes narrowed at Batman's tone, suspicious, before smirking briefly and shrugging "Water I guessh." Joker slurred, looking away from Batman and gulping down the last of the absinthe. He gasped as the bottle came out of his mouth with a resounding pop, tipping the bottle upside down, frowning as the last drop escaped onto the table. Getting up onto unstable legs the Joker hobbled behind the bar. Clinking his way through several bottles before rissing up, looking down and annoyed.

"They've run out…. I hafff to go."

"What do you mean?"

"Thersh no more absinthe left, I gotta go."

"No you don't, you stay here and drink or your going straight back to Arkham."

'Ah,' thought Batman, 'that's why he's been moving locals. But I can't let him scare off any more people he has to stay here, I have to find a way to keep him here.'

"Leave me alone, go away back to the kitty cat" Joker mumbled, his head down looking forlorn.

Batman raised his brow at that. Why Bring up Selina?

"Itsh were ya wanna be anyway. Stop bothering me then. Go catch flees off her. Go on, shoo. Rodents. " Joker grabbed a bottle of vodka moving off to one of the tables in the corner, Batman wondered at the bitterness in Jokers tone. 'Why would the Joker bring up Selina? It was just after Valentines day and…ahh. That must be it.'

"So did Harley dump you again?" Batman said sounding smug. Joker let out a harsh bark of laugher.

"Who that shilly little girl? Ppffft, don't make me laugh." Joker replied sounding more disgusted at the mention of Harley than bitter. 'So,' Batman reasoned, 'not that then.' He made his way over to Joker and sat down next to him, Joker looked away, the corners of his lips pulling down.

"Why are you here Bats? "

"I came looking for you." Batman replied, the clown looked up with something akin to hope shinning in his eyes searching the ones looking back. He dropped his head again, looking at the wall when they gave him no answers.

"Why are you here Joker?"

"Just wanna drink"

"Why?"

Joker glanced quickly up to Batman then looked back down, before drinking from the bottle of vodka. "Dunno." He mumbled.

"What would drive the cold hearted infamous Joker to drink I wonder." Batman smirked cruelly.

An irritated look passed over the Jokers face before he stood walking to the bathroom. Batman didn't want him climbing out any possible windows that might be there so got up and followed him. Looking behind him the Joker scowled "What do you want? I cant even pissh without you looking over my shoulder" he said as he stumbled up to the urinal, he took a moment to contemplate what he said and giggled. "Well you don't have to Bats." Joker quickly pulled down his pants and underwear to his ankles and looked up smirking at Batman whose eyes widened and he looked away. Joker grinned in victory as he took his member in hand and released his bladder. Batman poignantly turned his back with a cough "That was uncalled for." He grunted, Joker giggled "What Batsy? You don't like what you see?" He called with a hint of bitterness in his tone." Batman glanced back surreptitiously watching as the Joker supported himself on the wall with his hand, his head back, eyes closed with a relaxed look adoring his features, he though of how ordinary he seemed like that not so much the monster everyone associated him being, just a man. The Joker looked over and caught batman looking before he could snap his head back.

"What's wrong with you?" Batman asked before the Joker could make any more insinuations. "You sound as if I've come in and foiled one of your plans."

"Heh."

Joker pulled his pants back up and washed his hands, watching Batman through the mirror.

"Well you have. Again. All I wanted warsh a drink."

"I don't know if you've noticed but I'm letting you drink."

"Why are you watchin? Huh? " There was a pause as joker gently swayed turning towards the Bat his face showing building anger with underlying tones of exasperation.

"Any other time I'd have to blow up a busssh just to get you to look my way!" Joker yelled staggering towards his enemy, his arms gesturing wildly. Batman just stared at the display not replying, agitating the clown further. "If I'd asked you to come. You woulda just sneered at me! When I want you, you don't turn up, you act like I'm the shit on your shoe!" Joker screamed coming dangerously close to the still and unmoving Batman.

"You're scum to be dealt with. Nothing more." Batman said through clenched teeth.

Jokers face dropped into a pain etched expression before becoming angry once more.

"THEN GO AWAY!" Joker screamed his eyes glinting with the dangerous madness contained within, his breath reeking of spirits. "Just…..just leave me alone then." His shoulders slumped and he pushed past Batman to get to the bar.

"Interesting, any other time you'd be grinning at the sight of me." Batman stated still standing at the doorway. Joker just grabbed the bottle of vodka and sat down facing away from Batman.

An awkward silence draped itself over the scene for half an hour as the dark knight watched the Joker down three bottles of vodka, feeling somewhat impressed at the Jokers tolerance and bewildered at the situation they were in. When Joker went for the forth bottle Batman moved to the bar standing beside him, making the joker jump at his presence as if he forgot the vigilante was there at all. Batman went behind the bar and pulled out orange juice that had been opened to create cocktails, pored himself a glass and walked Joker back to the table. Sitting down the Batman looked back at a staring and suspicious Joker. He was still as the Joker brought his bottle to Batman's glass and poured in a measure, but frowned his displeasure.

"I don't…"

"A bit ishn't going to kill ya" Joker interrupted.

Silence over came them again as Joker quickly downed half the vodka, his eyes becoming more unfocused his movements uncoordinated. Batman took a sip of his drink grimacing at the taste.

"How do you drink this stuff like that?"

One corner of the Joker lips twitched upwards. "When you eat the shlop they serve at Arkham, thish doesn't seem so bad. *HIC*" Batman sighed in exasperation.

"Joker why are you here drinking your liver into failure?"

"Wadda you care?" Joker mumbled looking down "You don't care. All you care about is your pretty kitty."

"What have you got against Catwoman? Are you jealous of her?" Batman asked slightly amused as he took another sip of his drink. Jokers eyes flicked up to Batman's looking lost and defeated before finding the floor again.

"…You are aren't you?" Batman said softly, surprised that the Joker could be jealous of anyone

"Your jealous of her" Joker grimaced before getting up.

"I'm gonna be sick." Whispered Joker as he hobbled his way over to the bathroom. Batman just sat there astounded as he listened to Joker bringing up the contents of his stomach contemplating the situation they were in. He'd never seen the Joker this genuinely emotional before, never seen him so vulnerable and raw.

"Why are you jealous of her. Are you afraid that she's getting more attention off me?" Batman asked when Joker returned in a slightly better state than previous, genuinely curious. Joker sighed and took another drink before whispering "She's just getting more of you period."

The dark knight's eyes widened as he realized the clowns meaning, and as things slipped into place and all the hurtful things he'd said to him when they last fought came back into his mind, the situation they were in started to make sense. He had always dismissed the clown's insinuations as a Joke but he could see no deceit in the clown. And the weight of the admission struck him hard as he reflected upon his own feelings.

He fought down memories of being excited to see Joker, he repressed the times he'd become hard fighting him and he smothered all the lust coated dreams that inhabited his mind over the years staring the clown. Batman kept his face stoic as he softly said "Joker, I'm not gay."

"Nor am I Bats."

"…Oh." Batman breathed, a thread of resentment running through his voice "I though-"

"I don't need to be gay to want you Bats. I just need to want you."

"But I'm a man, you would need to like men before you liked me."

"No. I don't need to like men or women to like you. I just need to like you."

There was silence for a while as the Bat mulled over things in his head, slightly confused.

"So your bisexual?"

"Oh Bats and your lables. I don't have a sexual preference really, just you. He he I'm Batsexual if you must categorise."

Batman thought of all the reasons that he's not allowed to like Joker, all the hurt, pain and death. His city wouldn't dare accept nor permit their hero to have feelings for the creature of ciaos. Simple as that. But that didn't mean that he didn't, just it's not allowed, it's forbidden. The bonds and the connections that Joker always rave about are there but the clown isn't allowed to know, is he? He thought of all the times he's saved Joker, been possessive of him and all the times Joker surreptitiously saved him. He thought of how livid and betrayed he was when he first found out of Arkham's constant mistreatment of the inmates, mostly Joker, and how he'd brought it up to the board of governors, he mulled over the twisted respect and affection they share before raising his eyes to Jokers.

"Joker I'm not allowed to return your feelings. We are enemies."

"Not allowed?"

"Not allowed."

"Do you want to?"

Batman was silent for a while before he replied "I don't love you."

"Love? Who said anything about love? Love is weak and frail. Practically non existent."

"Love is strong it's what hold people together."

The clown laughed cruelly at the Bats words.

"Oh and a fine job it's doing ha ha. Batman, if a husband murdered his children would the wife still love him?"

"No"

"If a girlfriend slept with another man would the boyfriend still love her?"

"Probably not"

"When the husband beats up his wife, is she going to stay with him?"

"No"

"When the magic of marriage dies and the couple can't stand the sight of each other. When it's only been 5 years, is that strong and everlasting?"

"…No."

"Batman love is linier, weak and fading. We don't have love. What we have doesn't have a name. It's something other."

"What do you mean?"

"It's far more complex than 'love' it's infinitely more powerful and it is everlasting. But it doesn't have a name, it doesn't have rules. It just is."

Batman stared at Joker in silence.

"I have hurt and killed your children and the people of your city, you have slept with others, we have beaten, cut, sliced and broke each others bodies and minds, we have known each other for years and I still _feel_ for you."

Batman took in the truth of it all, it was hard to accept something like this though, his black and white view made it hard to see past the labels and rules, but he did. And this time, _this time_ he didn't deny it.

"There are times when I really want to kill you, sometimes I hate you beyond belief. Yet here we are." Breathed the Bat, Jokers eyes lit up. It was more of admission than he ever hoped to get and he smiled. Not a forced malicious smile, a genuine one. His form relaxed and he put down the bottle of vodka and drunk in the Bats wary and confused expression instead. The bat downed his drink grimacing after.

"We should go to Arkham."

"We should do this again sometime." The clown smirked.

"I think one heart to heart will last me a lifetime."

"Ha ha ha ha, I meant drinking silly. Without the feelings, just fun eh?"

"I don't drink."

"You just did."

"I don't drink recreationally…. I needed that."

"Well you might need it again sometime in the near future."

Batman's eyes narrowed.

"What are you planning clown."

"You'll see."

"Come on."

Batman grabbed Jokers arm and led him outside to the Batmobile. Suddenly Joker turned before getting in and brought his lips to Batman's. Batman stood rigid still his eyes wide, while Joker indulged in the kiss his tongue darting out to lick the Bat's lower lip before pulling away and getting inside the car. Surreptitiously the Dark knight's tongue slipped out to taste the alcohol flavored trace the clown left behind, before getting in and driving off to the mad house, all the while thinking he might as well book a room for himself in there.


End file.
